The Siamesers' Evil Plot - Part III

You have no idea what I’ve been through!

Months of laying low and pretendering I don’t know anything. Pretendering something awfully terrorifying wasn’t about to happen.

Months without being able to contact you—or anyone!

Because they’ve been watching me.

But I wasn’t lazying around. Or napping my days away.

Oh no!

I was getting to the bottom of the Siamesers' dast...dastard...awful deeds!

I've been investigating...

(Honestly, I've been working very, very hard. Most of the time. But a cat needs her beauty rest. And her early morning rest. And her mid-morning just before early afternoon rest. And...)

And what I discovered when I wasn't napping is more terrorifying than I could ever have dreamed.

Pipkin has given up trying to recruit other kitties, and now he's moved on to something even worse.

He's conspiring with non-cats!

He went to the river and sent word to the king of the squawky things.

But they wouldn't listen--thank goodness!

But before they could even swim away, Pipkin was hatching another evil plot.

He set a trap in the yard.

He caught a fluffery yellow dustbuster who liked to leap and yap--it was the scariest little thing I've ever seen!

But then the little guy's mommy demanded the Siamesers set him free.

So the Siamesers are still searching. Still lurking around the yard. Still sending scouts. Still working on their terrible, evil, twisted, Siameserly plot to...

to...

to...

No. It's just too terrorifying to say!

But I have to.

You have to know.

You have to help me stop them.

They're trying to...

They're...

They're trying to find me a new best friend!

Just like...

Like...

Like them!

Yuck!

Can you imagine?

How can they be so cruel? So diabobsical. So so so…

So evil!

Don’t they know, I’m ascared of new friends?

All new friends!

New friends are very, very scary. Especially the furry kind. Or the squawky kind. Or the dustbustery kind. Or...

Or every kind except the moms and dads kind. I like the moms and dads kind. But only them. And sometimes the grandpa kind. And the grandma kind. And the Uncle Ryan kind. And that nice friend of Mommy's who I let pick me up when nobody else can. But that's it!

The rest are terrorifying.

But I’ve come up with a plan. Those Siamesers aren't making me no new friends! No way! I’m going to my room, and I’m never, ever ever coming out again!

Unless Daddy says it’s time for din-din. I’ll come out for din-din.

But only din-din.

Definitely not for any scary new friends.

The end.

This post is dedicated to Tempe the Cat. I never met Tempe, but he smelled interesting. And if I was braver and faster and could have made it out the back door before Daddy noticed, I would have at least said Hi before I ran aways. And maybe we could have been friends. I still would have hidden from him, because even nice kitties are scary. But it would have been a friendly hiding.

Tempe the Cat

The Siamesers' Evil Plot - Part II

It's been a long time since I've been able to write. I've been forced into hiding.

Stalking the Siamesers. Sleeping in the trenches.

Gathering information. Trying to stop their horriblish, awfullish plans.

I was right. They're plotting something. Pipkin is planning to takeover.

He's going to take out his enemies one by one.

And he's stepped up his recruiting.

He spends all day in the window, whispering to the other cats, mewing at the birds, sending his message far and wide.

And now he has a secret plan for Thursday too:

They're going to unite cats everywhere. Get them to rise up. To come together.

Could it be any more horrible?

Cats can't unite. They can't commun--

Commu--

They can't talk to each other! Other cats are scary. Very, very scary.

I don't want any more cats here! Two Siamesers are already more than I can handle.

I'm out of here!

I've tried to warn Mom and Dad, but they don't believe me.

They think Pipkin is a sweet, sweet boy.

He has them all fooled!

Whatever happens, know that I tried to stop them.

I tried to warn you.

Go to Part III

The Siamesers' Evil Plot

The Siamesers are definitely up to something.

Something terrible.

Something horrifying.

Something sinis—

Sinuses—

Sinista—

Something Evil!

They’ve stopped talking to me.

Instead, they’re using a super secret language of blinks and squints.

It's creepy!

Creeperifically creepy!

And there’s something else. Something so awful, I can hardly write.

But I have to.

You have to know.

This is very, very important.

It’s not just in my house.

They’ve started to spread the word. They held a secret meeting—

With ANOTHER Siameser!

Whatever they're up to, it's spreading.

I can’t handle this.

What sort of evilish evilness can they be up to?

The worstest kind, if he’s in charge.

Go to Part II

Sweet Thursday

Once upon a time, Thursday was a super cute little kitten. So tiny and special and precious and perfect.

And she could squeeze under anything.

And she brought joy and happiness and perfectness to everyone who came near her. She was the bestestest kitten in the whole wide entire world.

And then she started to grow up and she was bestest buds with everyone. Especially her uncle Buddy.

They couldn’t get enough of each other, because Thursday is the sweetest and most wonderfullest kitty ever.

Sometimes she still talks about Uncle Budward. She says he was bester than any kitty—

But I think I’m winning her over. She’s the bestestest big sister a kitty could ever ask for.

STOP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Don’t believe anything you’ve just read.

It’s lies.

Lots and lots of badder than baddest lies.

The worstest of lies.

My blog has been Pippernapped—

Or Pipkin blognapped it—

Or...Or..or—

Pip stole my blog!

I don’t love Thursday. She's not the bestest kitty ever. Really, truly, mostly definitely it wasn’t me!!!!!

It was him!

No I have to fix everything. Undue everything he's done!

This is exhausting! I'm going to take another nap.

But this time I'm locking my computer.

Pipkin's Dark Secret

I had my suspicions about Pipkin.

He can’t be a real. All that sweet, cute, happy-with-life stuff all the time.

Impossible!

He’s not a real cat. He’s an evil clone of Thursday!

I’ve tried telling Daddy, but he wouldn’t believe me.

Until now.

Now I have proof. A photogr—

Photoraf—

I have a picure.

Observe. Thursday enters the box.

Thursday leaves the box.

And then...

Wait for it...

You’ll never believe it...

But I saw it with my own eyes...

I told you! Pipkin’s nothing more than an evil clone!

Probably out to destroy the world.

Valentine's Day

“Happy Valentine’s Day to me.

Happy Valentine’s Day to me.

Happy Valentine’s Day to Gilly!

Happy Valentine’s Day to me.”

What’s the bestest present I could get for Valentine’s Day?

Pipkin did this to Thursday, not me!

Disgusting!

Thank you, Pip. Sometimes you’re not that bad—when you don’t come anywhere near me.

The Siamesers are Everywhere

I can’t get away from them.

I went to play with my favorite toys and...

I tried to curl up with Mommy on the couch and...

I ran upstairs to find Dad – he always has a place for me!

But...

So I gave up.

I decided to take a nap.

On my favoritest spot at the end of the couch.

Where nobody ever bothers me...

Nooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

How do they always know?