Sunday, August 28, 2011

The Siamesers' Evil Plot - Part III

You have no idea what I’ve been through!

Months of laying low and pretendering I don’t know anything. Pretendering something awfully terrorifying wasn’t about to happen.

Months without being able to contact you—or anyone!

Because they’ve been watching me.

But I wasn’t lazying around. Or napping my days away.

Oh no!

I was getting to the bottom of the Siamesers' dast...dastard...awful deeds!

I've been investigating...

(Honestly, I've been working very, very hard. Most of the time. But a cat needs her beauty rest. And her early morning rest. And her mid-morning just before early afternoon rest. And...)

And what I discovered when I wasn't napping is more terrorifying than I could ever have dreamed.

Pipkin has given up trying to recruit other kitties, and now he's moved on to something even worse.

He's conspiring with non-cats!

He went to the river and sent word to the king of the squawky things.

But they wouldn't listen--thank goodness!

But before they could even swim away, Pipkin was hatching another evil plot.

He set a trap in the yard.

He caught a fluffery yellow dustbuster who liked to leap and yap--it was the scariest little thing I've ever seen!

But then the little guy's mommy demanded the Siamesers set him free.

So the Siamesers are still searching. Still lurking around the yard. Still sending scouts. Still working on their terrible, evil, twisted, Siameserly plot to...



No. It's just too terrorifying to say!

But I have to.

You have to know.

You have to help me stop them.

They're trying to...


They're trying to find me a new best friend!

Just like...


Like them!


Can you imagine?

How can they be so cruel? So diabobsical. So so so…

So evil!

Don’t they know, I’m ascared of new friends?

All new friends!

New friends are very, very scary. Especially the furry kind. Or the squawky kind. Or the dustbustery kind. Or...

Or every kind except the moms and dads kind. I like the moms and dads kind. But only them. And sometimes the grandpa kind. And the grandma kind. And the Uncle Ryan kind. And that nice friend of Mommy's who I let pick me up when nobody else can. But that's it!

The rest are terrorifying.

But I’ve come up with a plan. Those Siamesers aren't making me no new friends! No way! I’m going to my room, and I’m never, ever ever coming out again!

Unless Daddy says it’s time for din-din. I’ll come out for din-din.

But only din-din.

Definitely not for any scary new friends.

The end.

This post is dedicated to Tempe the Cat. I never met Tempe, but he smelled interesting. And if I was braver and faster and could have made it out the back door before Daddy noticed, I would have at least said Hi before I ran aways. And maybe we could have been friends. I still would have hidden from him, because even nice kitties are scary. But it would have been a friendly hiding.

Tempe the Cat

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

The Siamesers' Evil Plot - Part II

It's been a long time since I've been able to write. I've been forced into hiding.

Stalking the Siamesers. Sleeping in the trenches.

Gathering information. Trying to stop their horriblish, awfullish plans.

I was right. They're plotting something. Pipkin is planning to takeover.

He's going to take out his enemies one by one.

And he's stepped up his recruiting.

He spends all day in the window, whispering to the other cats, mewing at the birds, sending his message far and wide.

And now he has a secret plan for Thursday too:

They're going to unite cats everywhere. Get them to rise up. To come together.

Could it be any more horrible?

Cats can't unite. They can't commun--


They can't talk to each other! Other cats are scary. Very, very scary.

I don't want any more cats here! Two Siamesers are already more than I can handle.

I'm out of here!

I've tried to warn Mom and Dad, but they don't believe me.

They think Pipkin is a sweet, sweet boy.

He has them all fooled!

Whatever happens, know that I tried to stop them.

I tried to warn you.

Go to Part III

Thursday, March 3, 2011

The Siamesers' Evil Plot

The Siamesers are definitely up to something.

Something terrible.

Something horrifying.

Something sinis—



Something Evil!

They’ve stopped talking to me.

Instead, they’re using a super secret language of blinks and squints.

It's creepy!

Creeperifically creepy!

And there’s something else. Something so awful, I can hardly write.

But I have to.

You have to know.

This is very, very important.

It’s not just in my house.

They’ve started to spread the word. They held a secret meeting—

With ANOTHER Siameser!

Whatever they're up to, it's spreading.

I can’t handle this.

What sort of evilish evilness can they be up to?

The worstest kind, if he’s in charge.

Go to Part II

Sunday, February 20, 2011

Sweet Thursday

Once upon a time, Thursday was a super cute little kitten. So tiny and special and precious and perfect.

And she could squeeze under anything.

And she brought joy and happiness and perfectness to everyone who came near her. She was the bestestest kitten in the whole wide entire world.

And then she started to grow up and she was bestest buds with everyone. Especially her uncle Buddy.

They couldn’t get enough of each other, because Thursday is the sweetest and most wonderfullest kitty ever.

Sometimes she still talks about Uncle Budward. She says he was bester than any kitty—

But I think I’m winning her over. She’s the bestestest big sister a kitty could ever ask for.


Don’t believe anything you’ve just read.

It’s lies.

Lots and lots of badder than baddest lies.

The worstest of lies.

My blog has been Pippernapped—

Or Pipkin blognapped it—


Pip stole my blog!

I don’t love Thursday. She's not the bestest kitty ever. Really, truly, mostly definitely it wasn’t me!!!!!

It was him!

No I have to fix everything. Undue everything he's done!

This is exhausting! I'm going to take another nap.

But this time I'm locking my computer.

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Pipkin's Dark Secret

I had my suspicions about Pipkin.

He can’t be a real. All that sweet, cute, happy-with-life stuff all the time.


He’s not a real cat. He’s an evil clone of Thursday!

I’ve tried telling Daddy, but he wouldn’t believe me.

Until now.

Now I have proof. A photogr—


I have a picure.

Observe. Thursday enters the box.

Thursday leaves the box.

And then...

Wait for it...

You’ll never believe it...

But I saw it with my own eyes...

I told you! Pipkin’s nothing more than an evil clone!

Probably out to destroy the world.

Monday, February 14, 2011

Valentine's Day

“Happy Valentine’s Day to me.

Happy Valentine’s Day to me.

Happy Valentine’s Day to Gilly!

Happy Valentine’s Day to me.”

What’s the bestest present I could get for Valentine’s Day?

Pipkin did this to Thursday, not me!


Thank you, Pip. Sometimes you’re not that bad—when you don’t come anywhere near me.

Sunday, February 13, 2011

The Siamesers are Everywhere

I can’t get away from them.

I went to play with my favorite toys and...

I tried to curl up with Mommy on the couch and...

I ran upstairs to find Dad – he always has a place for me!


So I gave up.

I decided to take a nap.

On my favoritest spot at the end of the couch.

Where nobody ever bothers me...


How do they always know?

Saturday, February 12, 2011

Back Out of Hiding

Sorry it’s been so so so long.

Daddy’s been hogging the computer. Working on his nophel...or novle...or something like that. I’ve tried to sneak in and get a message to everyone...

But Daddy’s never alone.

So I’ve done what I do best.

I hid.

And hid some more.

And ran away from the Siamesers - very very fast.

But life hasn’t been all awful.

One good thing happened.

The monster in the basement went home!

So the basement is safe (but still super scary, even without a monster!).

And now it’s just me and the Siamesers again.

And something's going on. Something not right. Something really, really, really ungood:

They’re being nice to me.

Purtending to be my friends.

But I know what they’re up to.

I know about their plan.

They’re watching me.

Waiting for me to let my guard down.

Sunday, January 30, 2011

In the Beginning

Once upon a time, life was sweet and wonderful and Siamesers free.

Many, many, many, many years ago (I can’t count, so I don’t know how many), I lived in a very scary place with very scary people and I sneezed and coughed and had stinky poo all the time.

But then one day, Daddy and Mommy found me bounding across a field. I bounded a lot, because bounding is the best way to avoid scary things. And they rescued me and made me not sneeze or cough or have stinky poos anymore. And they took me to a place called an apartment.

It was smaller than my field, but there was nothing to be scared of. I was so happy.

I chased balls.

I played tug of war. (I always won!)

I wrestled with the vicious puff-monster.

I even moved into my own Gilly-sized apartment.

It was the perfectest time.

But then one day, Mommy and Daddy had one of those very, very bad ideas Mommies and Daddies sometimes have. They thought I’d be happy with another kitty.

And it's been all downhill since then...

Friday, January 28, 2011

The Monster in the Basement - Part IV

The monster crept up the stairs.

The door creaked. The monsterous footsteps thump, thump, thumped down the hall.

It let out a long, slow monster growl. Then it rounded the corner with the evilest glint in its monstery green eyes.

And I hid.

The monster crept across the living room.

Stalking its prey.

I tried to warn her. I cried, “Mew.”

But I was too scared. All that came out was, "M-"

And it was too late.

Thursday was cornered.

She ran.

The monster lunged.

She leapt for the couch.

I closed my eyes!

There was hissing and snarling and bullying and monstering.

I had to peek.

And then...

And then the worst thing ever in a million killion kitty years happened.

Even worster than that.

The worstest.

The monster...




I can’t even say it.

They made friends!

Another cat!

I'm going to keep hiding. Maybe forever.


Wednesday, January 26, 2011

The Monster in the Basement - Part III

It was awful!!!

I had to save Mom and Dad, so I opened the door and crept down the basement stairs.

I rounded the creepy curve.

Down the rickety steps...

Into the deep, dark domain of the monster.

And then, in the distance, I saw it. Waiting for its next victim.

I screamed.

It lunged.

I tried to run, but it moved so fast.

Like a blur.

I used the litter.

Then I got my first good look at the monster.

It was the terriblest, most horriblest beast in the world.

(I want to hide just thinking about it.)

I shouldn’t show you.

You don’t want to see.

It’s too awful. So awfully awful!

Even worse than I imagined.

But I have to.

You have to know. You have to be ready.

It looked like:

I ran for my life!

Up the stairs and around the corner.

I could hear it breathing, howling, snarling right behind me.

I barely got away.

I slammed the door shut just in time.

I’m safe.

For now. But the monster is still down there. And someone is going to have to stop it.

Please help!

It’s getting stronger.

Go to Part IV